Band 9 model answer
It is often asserted that sheer determination alone dictates how far a person can rise in life. Although effort undeniably matters a great deal, I largely disagree with the comfortable claim that opportunity is distributed equally, simply because the starting line varies so dramatically from one individual to another.
The most powerful objection concerns the unearned advantages a child inherits at birth. A youngster raised in an affluent household enjoys tutoring, professional contacts, and an expectation of success that quietly shapes ambition. By contrast, a peer growing up amid financial strain may attend an underfunded school and shoulder family responsibilities that leave little energy for study. These disparities accumulate long before adulthood, meaning two equally talented people can end up worlds apart through no fault of their own.
That said, I would not dismiss personal effort entirely, since societies do contain genuine routes for advancement. Scholarships, public education, and digital learning have allowed countless individuals to escape the circumstances of their birth. Such success stories prove that mobility is possible, and they rightly celebrate perseverance. The danger lies in treating these exceptions as the rule, for they often obscure the structural barriers that hold the majority back.
In my view, the honest conclusion is that opportunity exists but is profoundly unequal. To pretend otherwise allows the fortunate to congratulate themselves while blaming the disadvantaged for outcomes they could scarcely control. Genuine fairness would require deliberate investment in early education, healthcare, and stable housing, narrowing the gap before competition even begins. Until such conditions are genuinely met, the reassuring belief that absolutely anyone can succeed through grit alone remains far more myth than reality.
Examiner’s notes
- Task Response: the writer takes an unambiguous 'largely disagree' stance and qualifies it intelligently, conceding a counter-point before reaffirming the thesis in a nuanced conclusion.
- Coherence: each paragraph opens with a clear topic sentence and the argument progresses logically from inherited advantage to genuine exceptions to a final judgement, giving a strong sense of overall progression.
- Grammatical range: complex structures such as the conditional 'two equally talented people can end up worlds apart' and the participle clause 'meaning two equally talented people...' are deployed accurately and naturally.