Band 9 model answer
It is increasingly common for societies to contain a larger share of elderly citizens than at any point in recorded history. While I accept that this trend places genuine strain on public finances, I firmly disagree that older people should be framed primarily as a burden, since their economic and social contributions are too often overlooked in the debate.
The fiscal pressures of an ageing population are undeniably real and deserve acknowledgement. As life expectancy lengthens, healthcare systems must absorb soaring costs for chronic conditions such as dementia, diabetes and heart disease, while a shrinking working-age population funds the pensions of a growing retired cohort. In nations like Japan and Italy, this imbalance has already pushed governments to raise the retirement age and to debate unpopular tax rises. Such adjustments are politically painful, and they lend a measure of superficial credibility to the notion of older citizens as a liability on the public purse.
However, reducing the elderly to a line in a national budget ignores their substantial social value. Retired people supply an enormous volume of unpaid labour: they raise grandchildren, sustain charities, and pass on skills and institutional memory that would otherwise vanish. Many continue working part-time or mentoring younger colleagues, thereby cushioning the very labour shortage for which they are blamed. Treating longevity as a triumph rather than a problem also reflects a more humane set of priorities, in which a long life is something to be valued and supported, not resented or grudgingly tolerated.
In conclusion, although the economic challenges of demographic ageing are significant and demand thoughtful reform, I do not believe older people constitute a burden in any meaningful moral sense. The wiser response is to redesign work and welfare around longer lives, harnessing older generations' experience rather than dismissing it.
Examiner’s notes
- Task Response: the writer takes a clear, partial-agreement stance in the introduction ('I disagree that older people should be framed primarily as a burden') and sustains it throughout, conceding the fiscal point while firmly answering the 'to what extent' question.
- Coherence & Cohesion: paragraphs progress logically with organic linking such as 'However, reducing the elderly to a line in a budget' and referencing devices like 'this imbalance', avoiding mechanical list signposts.
- Lexical Resource: precise topic lexis ('demographic shift', 'fiscal pressures', 'a growing retired cohort', 'longevity') demonstrates a wide, natural range used with full control.