Band 9 model answer
In an increasingly competitive world, many parents drive their children relentlessly to surpass their peers in school and beyond. Although such ambition can yield achievements, I believe this competitive style of parenting ultimately causes more harm than good.
It would be unfair to dismiss the approach entirely. Children pushed to excel often attain impressive results, mastering instruments, winning competitions, and gaining places at prestigious institutions. A degree of pressure can instil discipline and high standards, teaching the young that success demands effort and persistence. For some children, parental ambition supplies the motivation they might otherwise lack, propelling them toward goals they later cherish.
Nonetheless, the costs of relentless competition are severe and frequently overlooked. Children subjected to constant pressure commonly suffer anxiety, exhaustion, and a corrosive fear of failure. When a child's worth seems to hinge on outperforming others, self-esteem becomes fragile, collapsing the moment a rival succeeds. Such children may also lose the capacity to enjoy activities for their own sake, viewing every pursuit as a contest rather than a pleasure. Worse still, the obsessive comparison can poison relationships, breeding resentment toward both parents and peers, and leaving young people ill-equipped for the cooperation that adult life demands.
In conclusion, while a measure of healthy ambition benefits children, the competitive extreme inflicts lasting psychological damage that outweighs its rewards. Parents would be wiser to celebrate effort and personal progress rather than rankings, nurturing well-rounded, contented individuals instead of anxious high achievers. Genuine success, after all, is measured not by how often a child defeats others, but by whether they grow up capable, balanced, and at peace with themselves.
Examiner’s notes
- Task Response: the 'more harm than good' question is answered with a clear thesis, a fair concession, and a firmly supported negative verdict.
- Coherence and Cohesion: the contrastive structure ('It would be unfair to dismiss', 'Nonetheless', 'In conclusion') steers the argument toward its conclusion logically.
- Lexical Resource: emotive yet precise language such as 'corrosive fear of failure', 'self-esteem becomes fragile' and 'obsessive comparison' shows sophisticated control.