Band 9 model answer
It is often argued that nothing shapes a young person more powerfully than the example set by those they admire. While I agree that positive role models exert a profound influence, I do not accept that they are the single most important factor in development.
There is little doubt that admirable figures can transform a child's trajectory. By observing a dedicated teacher, a principled parent or an inspiring athlete, the young absorb values such as perseverance and integrity far more readily than through instruction alone. Role models also expand horizons: a girl who sees a woman leading a company is more likely to believe such ambitions are attainable for herself. In this sense, emulation is a uniquely effective form of learning.
However, to crown role models as the decisive factor overlooks several equally vital influences. A child's material circumstances, the quality of their schooling and their innate temperament all weigh heavily on outcomes, often beyond the reach of any inspiring figure. A young person surrounded by admirable adults but trapped in poverty or poor health may still struggle to flourish. Development, in truth, emerges from the interaction of many forces rather than a single one.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that positive role models play a significant and sometimes life-changing part in a young person's growth, yet they operate alongside environment, education and personality rather than above them. The wisest approach is to provide inspiring examples while never neglecting the practical conditions that allow young people to thrive.
Examiner’s notes
- Task Response: the writer gives a nuanced partial agreement, accepting the power of role models while challenging the 'most important factor' claim, and supports both sides with concrete illustration.
- Coherence: the essay balances concession and rebuttal cleanly, with 'However, to crown role models as the decisive factor' marking the counter-move and the conclusion synthesising both threads.
- Lexical Resource: high-level lexis such as 'transform a child's trajectory', 'emulation', 'innate temperament' and 'expand horizons' is used accurately and without redundancy.