Band 9 model answer
Public concern over the treatment of animals has grown markedly, prompting calls for far tougher legislation against cruelty. I strongly agree that animal welfare laws in many countries remain inadequate and that both their scope and their penalties ought to be substantially strengthened.
The principal justification is that existing laws frequently fail to deter abuse. In numerous jurisdictions, those convicted of mistreating animals face trivial fines or suspended sentences that scarcely reflect the gravity of the act. When punishment is negligible, it offers little discouragement to offenders, and the law's protective purpose is undermined. Harsher penalties, including meaningful imprisonment for serious cruelty, would signal that society regards such conduct as a genuine crime rather than a minor transgression.
Stricter regulation is also warranted because many forms of suffering currently fall outside legal protection altogether. Intensive farming practices, neglect and the exotic-pet trade often operate within loopholes that weak statutes leave unaddressed. Extending the law to cover these areas, and resourcing inspectors to enforce it, would close gaps through which considerable cruelty presently escapes. Crucially, robust enforcement matters as much as the wording of the rules themselves.
That said, legislation alone cannot transform attitudes, so stricter laws should be paired with public education that cultivates compassion from childhood. Nevertheless, the law sets the moral baseline a society is prepared to enforce, and at present that baseline is set too low. For this reason, I firmly believe that strengthening animal welfare laws, and the punishments that back them, is both justified and overdue.
Examiner’s notes
- Task Response: the writer adopts an unambiguous position ('I strongly agree') and supports it with two developed reasons plus a sensible qualification about education.
- Coherence and Cohesion: the argument flows from weak penalties, to legal loopholes, to a balancing point, joined by markers such as 'also' and 'That said'.
- Lexical Resource: legal and ethical collocations including 'suspended sentences', 'loopholes', 'a minor transgression' and 'the moral baseline' show precise, varied lexis.