Band 9 model answer
As medical resources strain under rising demand, some argue that those who damage their own health through smoking, drinking or overeating should be pushed to the back of the queue. I largely disagree with this proposal, although I accept it raises a legitimate concern about fairness.
The central objection is ethical. Medicine has always rested on the principle that care is offered according to clinical need, not moral judgement; once doctors begin ranking patients by perceived blame, they betray that foundation. Furthermore, determining personal responsibility is fraught with difficulty, because illness rarely stems from a single, clear-cut choice. Genetics, poverty, addiction and stress all shape behaviour, so penalising the so-called guilty would in practice punish the disadvantaged, who already suffer most.
That said, I acknowledge the worry that motivates this argument. When resources are finite, treating self-inflicted conditions does consume funds that might have saved other lives, and it seems reasonable to expect citizens to share responsibility for their wellbeing. The sensible response, however, is prevention rather than punishment. Investing in education, taxing harmful products and supporting people to quit unhealthy habits reduces demand without abandoning anyone at their most vulnerable moment.
In conclusion, while concerns about fairness are understandable, denying or delaying treatment on the basis of lifestyle is both unjust and impractical. A compassionate health system should help patients change their behaviour beforehand, not withhold care when they are suffering. Equal treatment must remain the guiding principle.
Examiner’s notes
- Task Response: the 'largely disagree' stance is consistent while the concession paragraph fairly engages the opposing concern, showing maturity.
- Cohesion: 'That said' and 'however' manage concession and rebuttal, and the conclusion synthesises rather than repeats.
- Lexical Resource: ethically charged phrasing such as 'clinical need, not moral judgement' and 'fraught with difficulty' demonstrates precise word choice.