Band 9 model answer
As awareness of psychological strain at work grows, opinion is divided over how far employers should safeguard their employees' wellbeing. I largely agree that companies bear a significant responsibility, though it cannot be theirs alone.
The strongest argument in favour is that employers create the conditions that so often damage mental health. Excessive workloads, punishing deadlines and toxic management cultures are products of how a business is run, and it is therefore only just that those who generate such pressures should also mitigate them. There is, moreover, a compelling practical case: staff who feel supported are more productive, take less sick leave and remain loyal, so protecting wellbeing is an investment rather than a cost. Measures such as reasonable hours, access to counselling and trained, approachable managers cost little yet yield substantial returns.
Nevertheless, it would be unrealistic to place the entire burden on employers. Mental health is shaped by many forces beyond the office, including family life, finances and individual temperament, over which a company has no control. Employees, too, must take some ownership by communicating their difficulties and adopting healthy habits, while governments should enforce protective legislation. Expecting businesses to resolve every psychological problem would be both impractical and unfair.
In conclusion, while employers undeniably have a duty to foster a humane working environment and address the stresses they themselves create, this responsibility is shared with individuals and the state. The healthiest workplaces emerge when all three parties act together.
Examiner’s notes
- Task Response: a qualified 'largely agree' position is sustained, with the limiting clause 'it cannot be theirs alone' developed rather than abandoned.
- Cohesion: 'moreover' adds a parallel argument while 'Nevertheless' signals the counterbalancing paragraph, structuring the debate clearly.
- Lexical Resource: workplace-specific collocations like 'toxic management cultures' and 'protective legislation' show natural, well-judged vocabulary.