Band 9 model answer
Mounting pressure at work has made employee wellbeing a pressing concern across countless industries. I strongly agree that employers should bear the primary responsibility for safeguarding their staff's mental health, though individuals retain a role too.
The central reason is that organisations create the very conditions that generate stress. Unrealistic deadlines, excessive workloads, poor management and a culture of constant availability are decisions made at the top, not failings of individual workers. Since employers alone control these levers, they are far better placed to relieve them, whether by setting reasonable targets, hiring adequate staff or actively discouraging out-of-hours emails. To leave employees to cope unaided would effectively be to blame the victim for a problem they neither created nor designed.
There is, moreover, a compelling practical case. Stressed workers are less productive, more prone to error and more likely to fall ill or resign, all of which prove costly. By investing in counselling, flexible schedules and supportive supervision, companies protect not only their people but their own performance. Such measures are an investment rather than an expense, and the most forward-thinking firms already treat wellbeing as a competitive advantage.
That said, responsibility cannot rest entirely with employers. Individuals must also manage their own habits, set boundaries and seek help when struggling, since no policy can substitute for personal self-care. Nevertheless, the balance of duty falls squarely on the organisation, because it shapes the environment in which stress either flourishes or fades. For this reason, I firmly believe employers should lead the efforts to protect mental wellbeing, setting the tone and providing the resources, with employees playing an important but clearly secondary supporting part.
Examiner’s notes
- Task Response: the essay agrees strongly yet qualifies the claim by assigning employees a secondary role, showing the nuanced reasoning expected at Band 9.
- Coherence and Cohesion: paragraphs are unified around a single idea each, linked by 'moreover', 'That said' and 'Nevertheless' to manage concession smoothly.
- Lexical Resource: precise workplace lexis including 'out-of-hours emails', 'control these levers' and 'competitive advantage' conveys meaning with accuracy and style.